Jacquelyn Mitchard
Author, 'The Deep End of the Ocean'
This review of 'Black Eye: Escaping a Marriage, Writing a Life ' appears in an issue of Publishers Weekly:
Poet Strasser came of age in the 1960s, part of a generation of women with strong anti-establishment political convictions but still dreaming of marrying Price Charming and living happily ever after. Although this memoir is meant to be the story of the end of her marriage and the release of her poet's voice, it is mostly the former: an agonizing account of her life with an alcoholic, abusive, insecure, manipulative husband. She begins and ends with the black eye he gave her, moving backward and forward through her life history in a series of diary entries about incidents with her husband, mingled with stories of her parents, her mother-in-law, her children, her therapist and her friends. She is aware of how "tedious" this tale of staying "in a relationship that is obviously abusive, obviously past time to end" may seem, but she's compelled to rethink and relive it, battle by battle. Why? At one level, she recognizes her story is typical---most abused women go through a long struggle to free themselves from their abusers---and by writing it out, she may give other women strength. But she has a personal need, too; as she admits, "I still don't really get it." And it's Strasser's lingering doubt that keeps readers hooked. They have more than enough evidence of how impossible this relationship has become, but they're also aware of Strasser's "diffidence," her willingness to defer to an assertive person. They know, from the first page, that she left this man some 17 years earlier, but somehow they end up worrying that this time through the story, she just might change her mind and stay.
This Review by By Regis Behe appeared in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review on September 7, 2004
The first line in Judith Strasser's memoir, 'Black Eye: Escaping a Marriage, Writing a Life,' is direct and to the point:
My husband punched me in the eye.
It's a chilling sentence, but not an extraordinary one. The U.S. Department of Justice statistics for 2001 state that 588,490 women were the victims of intimate partner violence.
"I don't in any way fit the stereotype that people have of an abused woman," says Strasser, a former radio producer and interviewer who is an essayist and poet. Having grown up in Oakland and Squirrel Hill, she now lives in Wisconsin, but returns to Pittsburgh this week to appear at the Barnes & Noble Bookseller at the Waterfront on Wednesday.
"I'm highly educated. ... I was married to somebody who had a PhD. We had a lot of money and lived in a nice house on a lake. I was a politically active feminist. .... If you look at the statistics, it's clear that there must be more than poor women or women of color who are being abused."
When the abuse began, Strasser catalogued her thoughts by recording them on tape. When she had time, she would transcribe the tapes into journal form. In "Black Eye," Strasser intersperses the entries throughout the text.
"It gives me credibility," she says. "Obviously, no one's memory is that good."
What emerges is a story of a woman who, like many others being abused, at times blamed herself for her situation. As her husband drank and became more abusive, she sought out advice from self-help books, trying to see if his reasoning -- he drank because he lived with an angry woman -- was true.
"I rationally knew that I couldn't be causing someone to drink," Strasser says. "I had to read what somebody wrote, that you didn't cause this person to drink. And I don't think I so much blamed myself for being in an abusive situation as I just thought I could fix things and make things better. If I only did 'X,' or if I only was nicer, if I only could put up with a little bit more. You put up with a whole lot."
Strasser's willingness to endure her husband's abuse was rooted in two factors. Strasser watched her father stand by and support her mother, crippled with multiple sclerosis, under extremely stressful conditions. She also grew up during an age when women were expected to support men. Born in 1944, Strasser, even as a college graduate, sought a then-traditional path.
"When I graduated from college in 1966, I still had a very strong, you might say irrational, belief that I would find a man, I would marry him and I wouldn't have a career because I would be following around after this man." Strasser says. "What I needed was something that was flexible. I actually thought being a writer would be a great idea because you can do it wherever you are."
Strasser worked hard to save her marriage. She stayed with her husband in the belief that her two sons would benefit from having both of their parents together, and endured his threat to commit suicide. She sought out counselors and therapists. She drew up a list of conditions, ranging from emotional needs to financial considerations, and presented them to her husband.
But she could not abide his refusal to disavow physical violence.
"When I terminated therapy, I said was going to stay in the marriage and do what I could to make it work," Strasser says. "And 10 days later we had this big fight and he slugged me. I call that chapter (in the book) 'The Gift,' because sometimes I say I think I would still be in that marriage if he hadn't slugged me. Because at that point no one could say, including myself, that I was at fault for leaving. No one could say I should put up with that."
Regis Behe can be reached at rbehe@tribweb.com or (412)320-7990.
This review by Emanuel Carpenter appeared in the October, 2004 edition of Reviewer's Bookwatch for The Midwest Book Review (www.midwestbookreview.com/rbw/).
My husband punched me in the eye.
This powerful sentence begins an even more powerful memoir describing one womans heartbreaking relationship with an abusive spouse. In Black Eye, Judith Strasser describes her rollercoaster ride of a relationship with her husband Stu. Stu, a mean and surly alcoholic who lives off his inheritance, is psychologically abusive throughout most of the couple's marriage, even during and after her pregnancies and when she is going through chemotherapy for cancer. He makes Archie Bunker look like Mickey Mouse.
Black Eye is an exquisitely written and deeply personal journey. The author takes you on a world wind tour of emotional and physical abuse, including actual journal entries from the time of the events. This technique gives the reader a sense of being with the writer during every tongue lashing, every two-bit argument, and every smack and punch. When the author is faced with the dilemma that many women dealing with domestic violence are faces with, she writes, The problem now, as I see it, is that I have two alternatives. I can stick around, if Stu will change. But what most provokes his flight or fight reaction is my using the stick, as he puts it, to make him change his behavior. Later she continues, Or I can leave. But what other prospects for intimacy do I have, forty-one years old, with two children and a questionable health history?
Though it sometimes fees like the story gets bogged down in the minutia of events, it is only because the reader is dying to know what happens next and how it will end. The autobiographical tale offers a fascinating view of the writer's life, which includes her political activism in the sixties and seventies, her battle with Hodgkins Disease, and the ups and downs of her career. Black Eye will serve as a powerful warning and survival guide for those living with domestic violence. Strasser serves as living proof that there is a way out.
Highly recommended
For further information, e-mail Judith Strasser